ONE!

I am an extremely long-winded fool, or so I've been told. Put your hands up if you agree with the so-called tellers.

OK, put your hands down and continue reading. I solemnly swear to avoid deviating too far off course today. That was probably a lie. I've also been called a fibber from time to time. Example: my mom came into my room once and asked, "have you made up your book report yet or can I take that book back to the library (you little fibber!)?" Solid evidence.

Another instance.
Me: Ma, can I go play?
Ma: Did you do your practicing?
Me: Yeah, both sax and piano. One half hour for each.
Ma: When?
Me: Before you woke up (duh!).
Ma: OK, son. Thanks for being honest. Have fun (you little fibber!)!

Keep in mind that it was 8 a.m. when I asked if I could play. Ergo, in order for me to have had time to practice each instrument for 30 mins each, put everything away (reeds, books, etc.), eaten breakfast (most likely Grape Nuts brand cereal), and allowed for Ma to wake up and get ready, I would have had to have woken up at 6 to begin practicing. My room was right down the hall from Ma & Pa (Kettle)'s room. And my sister, AB, would have also been sleeping on the other side of the wall. So not only was I a fibber, I was a brainless fibber. I guess that didn't really develop until...well...I'll get back to you. Also keep in mind that if you have (or once had) the initials AB, you must be pretty cool.

Long-winded. I must admit that were I to have a text conversation with me, I'd get extremely exhausted after like 4 or 5 texts. I write looooonnnnnggggg texts. I usually can't even say hello in less that 16 words, excluding the time I did it in one word (in this sentence).

Evidence. I was challenged by my good friend GAW to go a week writing only one-word fb statuses. Today's status was RESTRICTIVE! , and so it is. And difficult. Please encourage me in this, friends. And also help me by saying "TOOOOO LOOOONGGGG" if I ever text you a longer text than, say 32 words. With that, I'm going to stop. My focus is gone for the day.

One more thing: if you can guess who I'm imitating with the one-word, all caps, exclamation-pointed status, I'll gift you something. May not be a direct quote.