25 June 2009

What's on your mind, Facebook?

Consistently I get asked the infamous question "What's on your mind?" This happens every time I get on Facebook (see the definition for stalkbook (definition 2, to be more precise) for more information), which, I'm ashamed to admit, happens a few times a day. And define a few to be greater than or equal to 50.

Today, when posed the question, I responded:


Exactly what this means is hard to describe. During moments in the earlier games (I-IX) of the wonderful game-series Final Fantasy (the ones before voices were implemented), when asked a question, a character will respond "............" as if to say, "Well crap, I have something important to tell you, but I either lack the tact or the ability to articulate which impedes me from doing so, or I'm too scared to tell you because you may reject me." This is especially true with Squall Leonhart (Final Fantasy XIII, and goes by the pseudonym Leon in the Kingdom Hearts series). His inner monologue, a different color of text than his actual voice, are quite deep and meaningful, but all that escapes his tongue through most of the story is "................"

Squall Leonhart

I had a conversation with a good friend last night that has left me deep in thought. The rhetorical question posed is a modified version of the one Facebook asks its users every day. With respect to relationships in general, "what is on your mind?" To open up in such a way requires a bit of tact, the ability to articulate well, an overall lack of fear as to what the response will be, and above all requires confidence. And so I said to her, "I lie about not really liking someone that could be exactly what I'm looking for. It doesn't make much sense. [Opening up] hurts more each time. Is it better to chance that pain or to live with the emotional roller coaster of holding it in?" Her response, "The pain. Hearts can heal, but my head can't take regret."

Back to Squall. There is a girl named Rinoa who tries through a good part of the game to get him to open up. She gets so frustrated at one point with his ".............."and freaks out a little. He just doesn't get it. He doesn't trust her. He doesn't trust his own feelings. It's obvious that she likes him. She practically throws herself at him, yet he doesn't take a chance. At one point, when she is floating aimlessly and helplessly through space, he realizes it's time for him to man up, go out there and save her, and by doing so, let her know how he really feels. I mean, the guy is in love with her. So they aim him, foot attached to a cord, at her and he catches her. And they hug. Well, obviously they can't kiss because of the space helmets! But it's really touching, and Squall has no problem opening up from then on. She now knows how he feels (because he risked his life to save hers), she feels the same way for him, and his fear of opening up to her fades away.

After saving Rinoa from the woes of space

There are 3 options:
  1. Take a chance. Open up. Tell someone how you really feel. Get hurt. Bad. Get over it in 3 years.
  2. Take a chance. Open up. Tell someone how you really feel. They feel the same way. Everything works out. End up happy.
  3. Don't take a chance. Go mental because of anxiety, regret, etc. Be more miserable than option 1 denotes.
I know the solution, the answer to the rhetorical question. I will be more like my friend, in that I will chance the pain. She is right, you know. How will I do this? I'll rescue a girl from floating in space and certain death (any takers?), and she'll know how I feel. Hey, it worked for Squall!

My question to you: what's on your mind?

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19 June 2009

An Awkward Copy-Cat

So there's this girl stalking Jalene's blog. She has a very interesting blog-writing style and I LOVE IT!!! You may remember me writing Sarah-Style. Yeah? If not, click here. Well, I hope she doesn't mind...but this post is going to be in CALLIE-STYLE! And no, I have no idea who she is. Haha. Awkward.

I just thought you should know: I'm becoming an MJP (Master Java Programmer). Also, I watched some youtube videos on wakeboarding, so now I'm a professional wakeboarder. Sons-of-guns are hard to ride though when the water is way choppy, like last night.
It's time for another fun-filled weekend. Know why? Because I'm going to Logan in the morning (Saturday). I have a date with a cool, smart girl, then I hopefully get to see Snake (Jade), then I'm going to the awesomeness of Summerfest with awesomeness Jalface, then I have a haircut appointment/cousin date with Saren, then I get to hang out with Serb (Seth) and Shane in Willard where I will spend the night. THEN I catch a flight to Denver, where I will get on a plane to WISCONSIN!!!

In the morning (Monday), I will walk from the hotel to the University of Wisconsin where I will have my first REAL interview! Cross your fingers, EVERYONE, because, and believe it or not, I'd really like to get THIS job. It's way interesting and I way want it.

Then it's BACK home Monday night and BACK to work Tuesday. WHAT A SHORT TRIP!


Wow, that post TOOK a LOT out of me. No more Callie-Style for future POSTS...

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15 June 2009

What Would You Do?

Here it is, folks. My 100th post. In celebration of such a memorable event, I would ask my readers to open their minds and think.

Yesterday in a church meeting (yes, I AM a religious person), a speaker made reference to the book Who Moved My Cheese by Spencer Johnson, M.D. A summary of the book can be found by clicking once on the title of the book. In the book, Dr. Johnson asks the question (a question you must ask yourself): What would I do if I wasn't afraid? This question was posed to me (and the rest of the congregation, those paying attention as well as those that weren't) at approximately 9:43 a.m. yesterday morning, and I've been asking myself this question repetitively ad nauseam since then. I have managed come up with a few answers that I will publicly announce, but only because this is the 100th episode.

So, what would I do if I wasn't afraid? First and foremost, I would learn how to wakeboard. OK, I know how to wakeboard, but I would really learn how, you know, to do a 360 backflip indy grab, or something else with an even more impressive name. The problem is fear, not skill or agility. I'm both skilled and agile.

Next, I would set much more focus on becoming a photographer, like the guy that comes up if you google Jason Bell Photography. Or maybe like Seth, who is the most talented photographer I actually know, and can most likely rival some of the best. But I don't want to just do this on the side. I want to be a photographer, by profession, by name and by association. Alas, there is a dagger called fear that is stabbing its way into my brain, impeding me from pursuing my dream.

I would also like to pursue something in music. Get a recording studio. Write some music. Learn how to play the guitar, drums, etc. and record some music. Or have bands come over to record their stuff. It would be cool to be known as Leon the photographer AND musician AND record...ician...

I would force myself away from what I know, what's comfortable, what's safe, enabling me to grow. I may have to do this, if everything goes well in my interview next Monday (at the University of Wisconsin). But for some reason, I want to stay where it's safe. Utah. Everything I know is there. My life, my friends,.... I acted all tough as school came to an end, saying, "I hate Utah and everything about it," and "I can't wait to get out of here and start anew." Loud bark. When it came down to it, I had a very hard time leaving (you didn't see me break down as I got in my truck and left), and would do anything to get back. Small bite.

The cardinality of the set of things I've wanted to say to people over the years is aleph-not. Mostly good things. Anyone who knows anything about set theory knows this is a VERY large quantity. And I don't do it. It's fear, I tell ya. It gets in the way of what could truly make me happy, yet also has the potential to cause serious devastation. Is it worth it?

To celebrate my 100th post, I will make this promise. I will change, or do my very best to do so, one of these items here, or maybe one that I haven't announced to the public. And I pose the question to you, along with a challenge to act, in celebration my 100th post or in order to change your own life for the better: what would you do if you weren't afraid?

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To My Sister

Happy birthday!!!

You are the greatest. The end.
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07 June 2009

A Partially Hydrogenated Post

I've become a boring texter. About two years ago, I was accused by some female friends of being, and I quote, "the BEST boy texter the world has ever seen," italics and words added for emphasis. My texts have always been complete with emoticons, such as :) , ;) , :( and even :'( . I use proper punctuation and spelling (in most instances). My texts have been full of all things that exude personality and feeling, not unlike my blog. Two days ago, I received a new phone via FedEx (story to follow) and it's great...except for one problem. Emoticons are now extremely difficult to produce, and therefore I will not be using them unless I am smiling (frowning, crying, winking) so big that it merits the extra 10 seconds it takes to create a :) . If you ever see one of those in a text I send you from here on out, or at least until I get another phone, you'll know I really mean that emoticon. For now, I will resort to spelling out the word for the emotion that I'm feeling. Like this:

Shane: we're so cool
Me: Way so cool.
Shane: Haha we're way so cool. I like that we are anti secondhand serenade way a lot
Me: Way Haha. Smiley.
Shane: Haha :) smile

See how it works? That was an actual text conversation, written exactly the way each text was entered. Two things I want you to get from this conversation: 1) note the boringness of my texts. Even my expression of feeling by way of articulation feels completely dull. 2) It's time that the world becomes aware of a new term I coined (Partially Hydrogenated Bands, or PHBs) today upon creating a FB group entitled Don't Partially Hydrogenate My Music. For those of you on FB, be sure to check the group out.

That was a lovely transition paragraph into the intended topic of today's blog post. I'm not writing today to discuss phones or even crappy music. I'm not here to promote my new FB group with the intent to persuade all of you to join. I'm here today to discuss a problem that is being addressed very seriously by some people, yet is utterly ignored by a good majority. The problem is trans fat. We've all heard the slogan "It's better than fast food. It's Wendy's." It should really read, "It's better than fast food. Eating a burger here increases the risk of YOU having coronary heart disease." or "Let [un]natural selection take it's place. It's Wendy's." That's right friends, partially hydrogenated oils are everywhere. What are they? There is a lot of info out there that will fill in the gritty details. I urge you to do some research and educate yourself as to why this stuff is so bad. I've added a link to Ban Trans Fats, a campaign website on the banning of partially hydrogenated oils, and I'll add more links as I find them. To sum it up briefly, once partaken, you will never rid your body of trans fat, unless you open up your veins and quite literally scrape it out. My thoughts are that we stop buying foods that contain partially hydrogenated oils and force the food companies to use something else. I know the food industry is a business, but one shouldn't stake people's lives on making money.

So check out the website. Do some research. Be cautious as to what you eat. Spread the word. Save some lives as well as your own.

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