28 August 2009

My Funny Father

I like seeing people dedicate blogs to their parents. I find it pretty cool that some people's parents actually read their child's blogs. Then I thought I wonder if people on the other side surf the interweb and read blogs? Yes, methinks (and yes, the Hess, one word... ;) ), or at least I hope. So this one goes out to my dad for all the times he made me laugh.

One thing my dad absolutely hated was caffeine. More specifically, he hated that I drank caffeine. He hated this worse than I hate Secondhand Serenade. Being the good son that I am, in order to respect his wishes I dropped the habit completely. And when I say "I dropped the habit completely," I really mean that I willfully rebelled against him and formed an ever-present MD addiction, only pretending not to drink it when he was around. The cover was completely blown one afternoon just before I graduated high school. Preparing for a weekend getaway to Lake Powell, my good friend Brett came over with a cooler full of 8 12-packs of dew (96 cans! And yes, we finished it) we purchased to guzzle during the weekend. When he saw my dad, he said "Check this out, Lynn!" "Do you realize how much caffeine is in that junk?!" Lynn asked. He would do this sort of head bob, not unlike Von Kaiser from Punch Out!, a fantastic NES game. "Do you know how much caffeine is in that cooler?" was the retort. The look of fire in his eyes, as he stared daggers at Brett, gave a more fierce terror than seeing someone wear white after labor day. The irony in this whole thing is that it was he who bought me my first Mt. Dew, and then later got mad about me drinking it! Ha!

Another time, the night after Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me was released (o sea, the night after Brett and I saw it) in theatres, Brett and I were walking past the living room to leave out the front door when my dad stops us. "Guys, I don't want you seeing that new (Kaiser Bob) Austin Powers movie." he says. "Why?" "Apparently, (Kaiser Bob) the word shag is a slang term for fornication!" Knowing the wrath of fire and brimstone we would face had we given the hint of a smile, we forced the smirk to remain level and replied, "Oh really? OK, thanks dad." Sadly, if you were to rifle through my movie collection, you will find all three volumes of the International Man of Mystery series.

One time he walked around the house, waiving a hammer in the air as if he was just stung in the hand by a bee, exclaiming, "I love hammers!" Another time, when he was around 62 years old, (shirtless) he came into my room where my friend Chris and I were playing Nintendo. This five foot tall, half naked man flexed and said, "This is why you go to the gym, boys!" For the record, I'm not looking forward to getting old. Since he never swore, or at least I never heard a swear from his mouth, his favorite exclamation was puke and choke! One day, my sister and I waited in the kitchen for him to get home from work. As he enters the back door, we jumped out. "I'm puke!" "And I'm choke!"

Thanks for listening. I know I'm not a very good story teller, so I'll stop now. Dad, if you can read this, I hope you got a good laugh. Miss and love ya! :)

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25 August 2009


Things I did today:
  • Had breakfast with my favorite 2nd cousin 1ce removed.
  • Said goodbye to some people in Logan. I didn't say this was a happy post.
  • Went shooting in Hyde Park, where I discovered I still got it! I didn't say this was a sad post either.
  • Tried real hard to keep the speed-limit law all the way from Logan to Twin Falls and succeeded! It felt really good. Also listened to a bunch of podcasts during the same trip.
  • Changed lanes, intentionally not signaling. Twice.
  • Talked about my new apartment with Patti and Dee.
Things I did this past weekend:
  • Drove the arrow road, which consists of a straight line between Kansas City and Columbia. If your car has a proper alignment, you can set the cruise control and take a 45-minute nap. That's how straight I-70 is.
  • Drove down streets I'd never been on.
  • Mentioned the fact I've never been on this street on every new street, even if I had been on it.
  • Travelled anywhere in Columbia within 15 minutes.
  • Leased a new 2-bedroom apartment (video tour to follow once I move in a few weeks...days...hours......) equipped with a pool, hot tub, golf course, cancer boxes, gym, and a mirror by the kitchen sink so I can practice my British, French, and New Zealand accents when nobody is looking.
  • Saw my new workplace and met Clarence. Pretty sure he's the coolest guy ever.
  • Noticed how friendly everyone is in Columbia. Huzzah!
  • Started reading The Count of Monte Cristo, realizing very quickly that I am way going to enjoy this book.
  • Travelled too much. Tired. Back hurts. The end.
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21 August 2009


Sorry, another lame post. And by lame, of course, I mean really cool. I've just started getting into podcasts. I'm not sure who out there is aware of the how fabulous these are! For instance, as I mentioned a post or two ago, my pal Seth showed me my favorite so far, This American Life. Seriously, you have to check this one out, even if you don't like anything else in the world, I'm fairly certain you'll get hooked on this. Each week, this guy introduces a topic and has a few stories on the topic. One that I really liked was about these two girls that got sent home (after being born) with the wrong families, and them finding out about it 40 or so years later. Just cool stories. You can only get it free (on iTunes) the week it comes out, and then you have to pay $1 for each episode after that. But I'd even pay a buck for these on the website here. Also, check out that website.

I'm sampling a few to see what I think of them. I've found another that I listened to all day today. No really, I listened to around 10 or so 20 minute episodes today. It's "stuff you should know" from howstuffworks.com. Another super cool podcast. Today I learned about a few different parasites and some other cool stuff, like Twinkies.

So anyway, I'd love to hear if you guys are at all into podcasts. If so, what ones do you like?

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19 August 2009


Found this video here and thought it was interesting. Check it out along with the site!

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17 August 2009

Time's Up

For what is time up, you may be asking. Well, I'll get straight to the point.

Time is up for:
  1. ...Twin Falls - Well, in a month, really. I got a job working for NASS (National Agricultural Statistics Services), which is a branch of the USDA. You are most likely asking yourself, "What will he be doing?" The answer, however, is simple: statistics. Where will it be? Columbia, MO. Even though my emotional status doesn't rise above mellow these days, I'm super stoked about it. Time's up on this life I've been living, and it's time to start a new one. In a month's time, I'll be venturing out into the void of unknown space (for me, at least), which will take approximate 20 hours travel time. Huzzah!
  2. ...me to tell you about this great podcast shown to me one fine summer eve by Seth, a curious individual. Look up This American Life the next time you have a spare moment. Or hour, as it were.
  3. ...the post road trip...post. I had a good time - good enough to justify missing a week's work and spending the equivalent to what I would have made. You can read more about it on Jalene's blog here, or just call me (given that we're good enough friends for you to have my number ;) ). Time to jump out of the enumerated list.
That feels better. Sometimes I feel restricted working in these kinds of lists, and it's a great catharsis to escape them. That's what the trip was for me. A catharsis. Allow me to explain: I was mostly impressed with San Francisco. We walked around for an entire day, with no particular direction or destination. With the iPhone as our guide, we met Bob, a peculiar Asian woman who makes the best donuts on this side of the Sun. We failed to get a picture of Bob, but her smile will forever be engraved in my heart, as her donuts really were the best I've ever had.

We were directed to a beautiful cathedral, the inside of which inhabited a very peaceful, reverent atmosphere. To accompany this, a walkable labyrinth lay on the floor: walkable to the end that you will discover peace of mind, gain the ability to clear your head and think. The three of us walked it (Seth, Jalene and I) at different velocities and we all agreed that a slower pace was needed to feel its full effect. It may sound strange to some, but I could have stayed in that church forever. This also gave me a strong desire to return to my home land (Spain) and revisit some of the old cathedrals there.

We saw some other things, e.g. the golden gate bridge, the Levi's store, a neat bookstore, an amazing crepe restaurant, and a handful of doors out of which exuded an evil myst. But the city is beautiful, and for me, the most memorable part of the trip. I was able to think more clearly there than I have in a long time. As I said, it was beautiful.

Oceanside was next. Though cool and pretty in its own way, it didn't stick out to me quite like SF. It did have some perks however, namely:
  • a tranquil garden equipped with benches that overlooked the ocean
  • tide pools (almost the most peaceful place I've ever stood on this Earth)
  • a cool restaurant in which you can substitute beef with ground turkey and white buns with whole wheat
  • a great little cafe where Seth enjoyed fish tacos. The girl taking our orders didn't really listen to me. Me, knowing she would ask if I wanted a copy of my receipt: I don't need a copy of my receipt. Her: OK, great! Do you want a copy of your receipt? (Wink!) Me: No, thanks. (Smile, list lazily away.)
  • the beach
  • surfing
That's right, I learned how to surf. Well, kind of. Jalene's friend Chris was a great teacher and a super chill dude; the problem, however, is that you can't teach balance. This is a skill I've ever lacked and one that I hope to obtain in the worst way. And I don't hate Chris, even though he shoots a Canon.

Speaking of shooting, I realized that I have heaps and bounds to grow as a photographer, thus the discouragement from this realization caused me to give up shooting photos on the 2nd or 3rd day. I have included my 3 favorites that are mediocre at best. Overall, Cali was superb, but I was glad to finally get home after 2000 miles and 30 hours of driving. I've previously proclaimed, and it now will make sense, that I'm dreaming of tornadoes rather than tidal waves.

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14 August 2009


I know you're all waiting in anticipation, you [17] friends of mine, for me to write a new post on my adventures in California and what tornadoes may be in my future, etc. etc. I'm almost home. Just a hold on a little longer! ;)
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07 August 2009


Everyone else has a goodbye blog post. So here is mine. See you in a week!

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06 August 2009

Let's Get Down to Brass Tacks

Something Cool:

iChat. Or video chat of any kind. And a way to snap a picture of the current window you're in or any selection box of your choice. For example:

This is before Shane and I played Starcraft and I was showing him how cool my mustache looked.

She's going to kill me for putting this on here. But this is after I got done helping Jalface with her iPhone. Good times. As you can see, it's Christmas where I am.

Something else:
I saw this ad on some site I was on the other day. It cracked me up.

Do you see anything a bit strange? Or maybe it's perfectly normal and I'm just too naive to know about it. I circled it here:

Does it seem strange to anyone else? Or am I the only one who isn't an aspiring bounty hunter? So anyway, I did some research. There's a website here that has everything you need to begin the long journey to becoming a card-carrying bounty hunter. Apparently there's more to being one than Boba Fett lets on. You don't just kill for money anymore. Too bad.

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02 August 2009

The New Me

Allow me to be vain for a post. As you know, this normally doesn't happen. I'm no narcissist. In fact, I walk down the street and hear people talk about how humble I am. Well, I'm putting my humble side to the side for one night and I'm going to post a few pictures of myself so you can see how good I look. I've lost 55 pounds this year (with a goal of just 5 more!), thanks to eating a whole lot less and cutting certain crap out of my diet. One of these things I've cut out, though it isn't directly related with weight loss, as you know is partially hydrogenated oil. I wanted to go on a huge rant tonight about how nobody cares about their t-fat intake, as much as I bicker and attempt to educate my family and friends, they don't care at all. I asked my cousin today if he smoked, and I told him he was increasing his risk of having lung cancer, if he would stop. He said yes, of course. It's the same thing, I said. You're increasing the risk of coronary heart disease a lot by even 1g of it a day. A lot. But I won't get into that in this post.

So I went on a small photo-taking extravaganza last night with Saren here in Twin Falls. There are heaps of cool old buildings to take pictures of and by. She took a few of me. I think she did a great job even though I don't make a good model. I'm posting my favorites here. Hence the vanity of this post. :)

Also, I've posted 2 or 3 that I took here. Thanks for visiting. Remember to follow me if you haven't already! I'll be back to my normal self next post around. Whatever that means.

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