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I was told today by this jerk that I suck at my resolution, and by doing so, she implicitly screamed at me, "YOU SUCK!" Ouch, friend. Ouch! We're fighting.
But since I was called out on sucking at my resolution, I guess I'll write something new. I purchased a Scotsman Dog, a corn dog, and a 44 0z. filled to the rim mug of none other than straight up Mountain Dew yesterday as I lazily listed through the TSC. Choirs sang at the joyous occasion, and so did Seth, as I gave him my corn dog and we sat down in the Hub to eat and shoot the bull $%^ about the tall librarian in church that I wanted to meet, but had no wingman to back me up.
Let's talk about "wingmen." A wingman, according to Urban Dictionary is a guy you bring along with you on single outings (like to bars) that helps you out with the women. The wingman often agrees with his friend and makes him seem popular. Observe the following dialogue:
Jermaine (to woman at the counter): I'd like a croissant, please.Bret: Yes that's true. He would.Lady: Ok. Croissant. Sure.Bret: He's very popular.Jermaine: (Clears throat) That's true, I suppose. You didn't have to say that...
In the above situation, Bret makes Jermaine seem popular. This is what I needed on Sunday. A wingman. So next Sunday, if anyone (man) would like to back me up, be my wingman....
Back to the Hub, me and Seth were talking about...Oh....CRAP!
...the librarian when we saw the Shrivner! She is such a fantastic person, we wanted to dine with her. So she came and sat by us and the three of us shot the $%^. Then the Shrivner, being the Shrivner that she is, came up with the brilliant idea that we should form a club. "We'll call it 'Club Hub!' " she said. Seth's inner-monologue kicked in with a, "No, let's call it Machine Gun Time, instead." So there it is: Machine Gun Time, every Tuesday/Thursday, 11:30, hub, lunch, shooting the bull and bringing up ways on how to be a confidence man. Only the ethically malleable need apply. If you feel you would fit into this rough crowd and that you have the lack of ethics to become a confidence man, and would like to become a pledge, please contact the Shrivner, Derrek or Joder! and one of us would gladly (yet, with hesitation in YOUR case) let you into the club. Which reminds me, I'm hungry.
Peace.
6 wisecrack(s):
seriously??
i wanna be in it.
and i want to hang from a helicopter fighting. that would be saweet.
You totally can be in it! But there's a problem... you don't live in LOGAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All I can say is that seeing you quote Jermaine and Bret made me laugh out loud. I love it! We should watch some more of that . . . maybe sometime when you need a break from your thesis or something.
YO Jason!
I could totally be your wingman this Sunday if you want to meet that tall librarian chick. Here's my plan so far: You would go into the library and say you need 100 copies of some important document. As she starts making copies you would exchange names and engage in some amusing small talk. Suddenly I burst into the library proclaiming that you are desperately needed on some important, Top Secret, ward business, thus making you appear very busy and important. We both run out of the room leaving the copies behind. Several minutes later you return to the library to retrieve your copies. Putting on your charm you thank her for holding the copies for you. You quickly inspect the copies and compliment her on her excellent copying skills. You might go so far as to tell her that she is the best church librarian you have ever met. Now that you have been established as an important, charming, appreciative, complimentary person, getting her number should naturally follow.
What do you think? It might need some tweaking, but I think it is a promising plan.
Robby, this is possibly the funniest thing you have ever said. I'll definitely give it some thought. It may not work, but we'd sure have a good time doing it! Haha!
I'm sure we can come up with something. I'm pretty good at plotting and scheming. Not to mention stalking...oh wait, scratch that last one.
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