Some Greatness Before I Go

Friends.  I have been avidly searching for and learning about great greatness this past week, and as I'm leaving Denver tomorrow, I felt the need to share with the world what I've found.  During my evenings here in Denver, while not working on my thesis, I hung out with my favorite sister and her boyfriend, Mike.  I'm not sure how these things were brought up, but I hope you enjoy them.

First off, and don't shoot me when you've already seen this/known about this....this....well let's just say that it's got to be the worst....song (for lack of a better word) ever written.  Come to think of it, I'm sure you've heard of it.  R. Kelly - Trapped in the Closet.  Need I say more?  There's actually a fan-wiki here.  OK, so those who have not heard of this, our genius "musician," R. Kelly, lays down a phat beat to which he talks about some crazy happenings, like guns and cheating on his wife, who is cheating, with a girl whose husband is cheating on her with a man named chuck, and it just gets "better" from there.  It started out a few years ago when the first five (or so) episodes were released.  It's up to about episode 21 now and there are plans to take it to 32-ish.  Forgive me, R. Kelly fans, if I got the facts wrong.  Also, forgive me when I say that it's the worst thing I've ever watched (on YouTube, or anywhere else) in my entire life.  I am at a lack for words that describe how terrible it is, and yet I'm drawn to it.  Instead of linking to the actual videos here, I'll give you something that is almost as bad, or may be worse, depending on how much you like Weird Al.  Good on ya, Al!

The next thing on the list is a Christmas song.  I spent some time researching the song Last Christmas, originally by Wham! and found out through a very credible source that there are some 100 covers done to this song...and I'm not lying.  This is probably the worst Christmas song, and no matter how much Jimmy Eat World tries not to make it [gay] (forgive the non-political correctness), it's just....[gay].  Wham!'s version, of course, is actually the best.  Other very horrible renditions are Taylor Swift, Savage Garden, some various techno remixes, and worst of all would be a version done in a cappella by none other than the Backstreet Boys, who I've always wished would just puke and choke.  But, again, for some reason I can't figure out...I can't get enough of this abhorrent song...thus I spent an hour of my [precious] time researching the various renditions...

And finally, the coup de grace, a movie entitled Cool as Ice, and believe-you-me, it lives up to it's name in every possible way.  Many of you will have not caught wind of this, dare I say, instant classic, for it has never been available on DVD.  Oh, and allow me to mention, this 1991 cult classic stars Vanilla Ice at his finest.  Just listen to the plot synopsis: 

Johnny, a freewheeling, motorcycle-riding musician, rolls into a small town with his band, and meets Kathy, an honor student who catches his eye. Meanwhile, Kathy's father, after being in the Witness Protection Program, is finally found by the two corrupt cops he escaped from years ago, who claim he owes them a lot of money.

The movie is actually a remake of Rebel without a Cause, starring James Dean, which has much better odds of being an OK film.  Cool as Ice, however, is so terrible that one can't help but be drawn to it.  It is the epitome of the early 1990's, and anyone that lived and experienced the days of Ice, as they have come to be known, will love and admire this film by mocking it, and laughing hysterically at classic lines, such as "Yep, yep.  She likes me." or "Ah yeah, yeah." and who can forget the unforgettably romantic line, "Hey Kat, let me give you some words of wisdom.  Drop that zero and get with the hero!" These, and other memorable quotes can be found here.  I sure hope Ice-man gets picked on by his friends because of this atrocity; but hey, he made $1,000,000 from his one chance at being an actor!  If anyone is interested, I will be watching this movie at least once a week so that I, too, can be as cool as Ice.  Ha!

Well folks, I hope that this has inspired at least 5 of you to check out some of the better things that life can offer.  I'm curious what people's thoughts are on these 3 greatnesses, and other things whose horrible badness gives them power to attain such a curious, captivating attraction.  Yeah, yeah, give me some feedback VIP!

Peace.