Some Greatness Before I Go

Friends.  I have been avidly searching for and learning about great greatness this past week, and as I'm leaving Denver tomorrow, I felt the need to share with the world what I've found.  During my evenings here in Denver, while not working on my thesis, I hung out with my favorite sister and her boyfriend, Mike.  I'm not sure how these things were brought up, but I hope you enjoy them.

First off, and don't shoot me when you've already seen this/known about this....this....well let's just say that it's got to be the worst....song (for lack of a better word) ever written.  Come to think of it, I'm sure you've heard of it.  R. Kelly - Trapped in the Closet.  Need I say more?  There's actually a fan-wiki here.  OK, so those who have not heard of this, our genius "musician," R. Kelly, lays down a phat beat to which he talks about some crazy happenings, like guns and cheating on his wife, who is cheating, with a girl whose husband is cheating on her with a man named chuck, and it just gets "better" from there.  It started out a few years ago when the first five (or so) episodes were released.  It's up to about episode 21 now and there are plans to take it to 32-ish.  Forgive me, R. Kelly fans, if I got the facts wrong.  Also, forgive me when I say that it's the worst thing I've ever watched (on YouTube, or anywhere else) in my entire life.  I am at a lack for words that describe how terrible it is, and yet I'm drawn to it.  Instead of linking to the actual videos here, I'll give you something that is almost as bad, or may be worse, depending on how much you like Weird Al.  Good on ya, Al!

The next thing on the list is a Christmas song.  I spent some time researching the song Last Christmas, originally by Wham! and found out through a very credible source that there are some 100 covers done to this song...and I'm not lying.  This is probably the worst Christmas song, and no matter how much Jimmy Eat World tries not to make it [gay] (forgive the non-political correctness), it's just....[gay].  Wham!'s version, of course, is actually the best.  Other very horrible renditions are Taylor Swift, Savage Garden, some various techno remixes, and worst of all would be a version done in a cappella by none other than the Backstreet Boys, who I've always wished would just puke and choke.  But, again, for some reason I can't figure out...I can't get enough of this abhorrent song...thus I spent an hour of my [precious] time researching the various renditions...

And finally, the coup de grace, a movie entitled Cool as Ice, and believe-you-me, it lives up to it's name in every possible way.  Many of you will have not caught wind of this, dare I say, instant classic, for it has never been available on DVD.  Oh, and allow me to mention, this 1991 cult classic stars Vanilla Ice at his finest.  Just listen to the plot synopsis: 

Johnny, a freewheeling, motorcycle-riding musician, rolls into a small town with his band, and meets Kathy, an honor student who catches his eye. Meanwhile, Kathy's father, after being in the Witness Protection Program, is finally found by the two corrupt cops he escaped from years ago, who claim he owes them a lot of money.

The movie is actually a remake of Rebel without a Cause, starring James Dean, which has much better odds of being an OK film.  Cool as Ice, however, is so terrible that one can't help but be drawn to it.  It is the epitome of the early 1990's, and anyone that lived and experienced the days of Ice, as they have come to be known, will love and admire this film by mocking it, and laughing hysterically at classic lines, such as "Yep, yep.  She likes me." or "Ah yeah, yeah." and who can forget the unforgettably romantic line, "Hey Kat, let me give you some words of wisdom.  Drop that zero and get with the hero!" These, and other memorable quotes can be found here.  I sure hope Ice-man gets picked on by his friends because of this atrocity; but hey, he made $1,000,000 from his one chance at being an actor!  If anyone is interested, I will be watching this movie at least once a week so that I, too, can be as cool as Ice.  Ha!

Well folks, I hope that this has inspired at least 5 of you to check out some of the better things that life can offer.  I'm curious what people's thoughts are on these 3 greatnesses, and other things whose horrible badness gives them power to attain such a curious, captivating attraction.  Yeah, yeah, give me some feedback VIP!

Peace.

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Thesis or Fec....Never Mind

So I just want to say that I just finished the first draft of my thesis.  I'd post a link to it here or something, but it's crap and I'm embarrassed for anyone to read it except for my advisor, and I'm dreading what he's going to say.  But it's done.  Now it's just a lot of revising as soon as I get the blood-splotted piece of trash back from him.  The anticipation of his reply is going to kill me until I get it.  Here is what I'm imaging the return email will say:

Jason

You have a lot of work to do.  Keep in mind, when I say that you have a lot of work to do, what I mean is that you need to rewrite the entire thing.  I can't even read this.  It's trash.  I hate it and therefore I hate you!  In fact, I don't want to be your advisor anymore.  That's right, you have to find a new advisor, get a new research project, and you will be repaying me for the past 3 semesters of research assistantship money.  I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul.  It's time to get out!  Everyone onboard!  THIS IS THE LAST PLANE OUT OF VIETNAM!!! 

--Dr. Stevens

PS You suck.

Well there you have it folks.  I'm dead.  Lindsey, I think it's safe to say we should move now or I won't be around in July!  Europe, here we come!

Peace.

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On a Friday

I know...I lied.  Forgive me?  I just got so burned out working on my thesis.  I have one section left of it and I have 2 days left of this week and having nothing to do all day.  I'm also pretty sure that I'll have to revise the whole thing.  I'm imagining my advisor taking a big fatty marker whose ink is my blood and crossing out the entire thing because of the hell, fire and damnation that is the wrath in his eyes as he reads it.  Pretty sure it sucks.  But as my wise sister Amber always says, "[Life is] just a draft!  There's always revisions! :)"  And yes, as she speaks, a smiley emoticon escapes her lips and floats off into oblivion.  

Now the reason for today's post is not to show you that I'm not a man of my word, but because the other day I was reading this blog, Halestorm, and I loved her newest post.  It said feel free to do this yourself with a promise that it would be the time of my life, and let me tell you my friends: Halestorm doesn't lie, unlike me.  So take her word for it and try it if you must and alas! it will be an enjoyable experience...like that one time when Peter did a magic show for blind people...

An excerpt from Halestorm:

Directions:

1. Put your iPod, iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the "next" button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY OR NON-SENSICAL IT SOUNDS.

Well, here we go!

1.  IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?

The Goddess Appears - The Legend of Zelda

2.  HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?

Do it Alone - Sugarcult

3.  WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?

Mad as Rabbits - Panic! at the Disco

4.  HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?

Joy - Islands (Note: the first words are "I feel great! So happy...")

5.  WHAT IS YOUR LIFE PURPOSE?

Getting Even - Guster

6.  WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?

Hotel - Broken Social Scene

7.  WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

Under the Bridge - Red Hot Chili Peppers

8.  WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

Don't Worry Baby - Beach Boys

9.  WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?

Lightness - Death Cab for Cutie

10.  WHAT IS 2 + 2?

The Successor - Final Fantasy

11.  WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

Morning Lullabies - Ingrid Michaelson

12.  WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

Grounds for Divorce - Elbow

13.  WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

Aerodynamic [Daft Punk Remix] - Daft Punk

14.  WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WHEN YOU GROW UP?

World on Fire [Solarstone After Hours Mix] - Sarah Mclachlan 

15.  WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

Pacific Theme - Broken Social Scene

16.  WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

The Horizon Has Been Defeated - Jack Johnson

17.  WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?

Memory (Acoustic) - Sugarcult

18.  WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?

Song for the Dumped - Ben Folds Five

19.  WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?

Title and Registration - Death Cab for Cutie

20.  WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

Hello Kitty Kat - The Smashing Pumpkins

21.  SONG THEY WILL PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

On Fire - Switchfoot

22.  WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?

On a Friday - Blakq Audio

OK, so that was fun, except I got a glimpse of how much crappy music I still have.  I deleted a lot of it, but sick.  Death Cab?  Jack Johnson?  Sugarcult?  I like The Cult or even Blue Oyster Cult, but not Sugarcult.  My iTunes can say goodbye to these bands.  Then I might do this again.  I also have a confession: I cheated on the last one.  I couldn't believe I still had this one band within a 1-mile radius of me.  I couldn't put it down.  I just couldn't.  Wow that feels good to get off my chest.  Next time on Confessions at High Altitudes, we will discuss why AT&T is better than Verizon.  

Peace.

PS - What a weird post.  But that's what 3 days of writing the proverbial you's thesis at an altitude the proverbial you is not used to will do to the proverbial you.  Eat it, you.

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Jason is...

...going to write his thesis this week...

....and no blogs...

...joder!!!

Peace.

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Snow Drifts

I woke up today, looked outside and guess what?!  It snowed! :)  Yes, friends and fellow bloggers, that was a smiley emoticon.  I do like the snow.  It means it's cold (finally!); it provides for more service opportunities than sunny, warm weather; and it makes the air feel so clean, like the time I said a bad word and my mom washed out my mouth with soap.  She really did this.  No, no, no... I remember it now... I spelled a 4-letter scatological term and my mom dumped black pepper on my tongue!  This must be the cause of my outrageously high tolerance for black pepper.  Thanks, ma!  So, I guess a better analogy would be when YOU said a bad word and YOUR mom washed out your mouth with soap.  That must have been a horrible experience.

This is my mom, the Pepperer

Speaking of horrible experiences, and snow for that matter, the first time I've seen snow since last May was in Denver, the few days following Thanksgiving.  I loved seeing it, mind; the problem was that it touched us (nos toco!) to drive home the Sunday following the dia de accion de gracias.  I checked the internet for road conditions/closures just before we left, and the internet said that the road we needed to travel was closed due to high winds blowing snow with extreme force across the highway.  Not a good sign.  I tried to tell my family that it might be a good idea to wait for a day, or indefinitely, and give the road conditions some time to improve.  My favorite Uncle Jerry (not my favorite uncle, my favorite Uncle Jerry) said, "It'll be OK.  Have a little faith."  My inner monologue, which may or may not have been audible, said, "True, faith is good.  But faith doesn't mean you do something stupid (or life-endangering) and hope it will be OK (or you won't die)!"  We had no problems from Denver to Cheyenne.  As soon as we started on I-80 heading west, the problems commenced.  Friends, it was nuts, and not like my roommate Nuts.  Pictures and videos don't do it justice; however, I have included some pictures and a video so you can get some feel for what we went through.

It took us 2 hours to go 21 miles.  There were times that the wind was blowing so much snow that it was worse than a sandstorm on Tatooine.  At these times, it was a complete white-out, and I regretfully did not capture any photos or video during these times giving you reason not to believe me...but do!  I'm not lying!!

Here they are!

And the video.

Using my mad video editing skills, I added, once again, some really chill music to the video.  Only one person even attempted guessing at the last one, so I'm issuing a challenge to whomever wants to take it!  If you can tell me the name of the band that is playing the fantastic music on the clip, I'll take you to Juniper, or if you don't like that, any restaurant of your choice.  You can use google, but it will be of no help to you.  And just so you all know, Kristin, of .Kristin. (one of the best bloggers ever as she has just surpassed 100 posts! Man, that's more exciting than the time Strong Bad reached his 100th email!) has the advantage on this one!  

And this is me with a mustache! 

Jason, the Mustacheoid

Peace.

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