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So there I was, pleasantly squished in the backseat of a puny little Mazda 6. The car was black, the sky was about 13 shades of grey, and I was thirsty. I suggested that we stop for an ice-cold refreshment since we'd be spending the next 2 hours crammed inside an oddly-shaped box on wheels, and I, for one, didn't want to venture that far from home without caffeine.
The nice lady behind the counter at the inconveniently placed convenient store was friendly enough. I couldn't understand much of what she said as I hustled and bustled and scrambled to find a soda that could handle a Jones the size of a small snow leopard. Thinking solely of my fellow travelers' needs by this point, I decided to don my thinking cap and hurriedly conjure up some ideas of what the kid trying to be too cool might call roadtrip snackage. I might be that kid.
Me: "Do you have any roadtrip snackage?"Her: "What the $&% is that, honey?" (She really called me this! No, not really.)Me: "Hmmm, how about Mike & Ike's? Or Hot Tamales? Everyone likes those."Her: "Yeah, we have a s$$$-pile of those somewhere!" (This she really said.)Me, giving her an awkward, you-just-offended-me glance: "......"Her: "Sorry, uhh, crap-pile..."Me, awkward glance turned into an awkward long-lasting glance: "Where?"
We find both crap-piles of candy-box-shaped gummi candies. Back at the register, the awkwardness ensues.
Her, signaling to my flannel purple: "That's a pretty (and forgive me for using this word) awesome shirt. I've seen a belt in the mall that would match it perfectly.Me, lifting my shirt to show my belt: Really?! See, this is the belt I have on.
At this point, as she's looking at my belt and probably my belt buckle (since it's a nintendo paddle), it dawns on me that my fly is down. Pop quiz, hotshot: do I a) nonchalantly turn around and zip up, hoping it will go unnoticed, or b) over react, like I am wont to do, the same way a dog freaks out when Novocain is applied to its tongue, and say "Whoops! Sorry about that!" while simultaneously whipping around and zipping up?
If you guessed (a), you are blatantly and 100% perfectly wrong and you don't know me at all, in which case you should probably make an effort to get to know me better. If you guessed (b), I still think you should get to know me better. What you failed to realize is that there was a 3rd option: c) I made this whole story up. If you happened to guess (c), you're still wrong. The correct answer is (b).
9 wisecrack(s):
I guessed option B and knew there would be an option C that would be a complete fabrication. Guess I know you pretty well... But could probably afford to know you better, man.
Haha! I dig the purple flannel. :)
That is hilarious!! One of the funniest today.
Never use words like "snackage" while in the midwest, or when dealing with older people. They just don't get it. Did you go with the Mike & Ike's, or Hot Tamales?
So....the story is pretty cool, except for the part that you talked about the COOLEST vehicle EVER being an "odd box on wheels". Pretty sure it was your PLEASURE to ride in such a nice ride!!! And what about the niceness of the driver to actually stop and allow you the privilege of buying such "snackage"? I mean...that was a HUUGGGEEE part of the whole embarassing story! Thanks for sharing the hot tamales, though! yummers! have a good time home...don't forget to come back!!!
Hahahaha...oh to be a fly on the wall of an inconvenient convenient store! :)
The Hess: You and Clay Aiken both. I can't believe I just said that.
GAW: I AM pretty expensive. :)
Tam: I believe I said oddly shaped box on wheels. I mean, have you ever seen a box that looks like a car? Thought so. The rest was implied.
Seph: I got both. Indecisive, this one.
Chess: I need a Chess hug.
Ta: See ya soon!
hahahaha. so great!
Jason,
I'm glad to see that you still have your story telling ability. You never cease to amaze me. I miss you man. Hope your Christmas was a blast. I was sick and alone. Admittedly the combination is better than just the latter.
Peace,
Nemo
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