Powerfully Mustached

Do you hear that? It's the new sound Macs make when they wake up. Apple has finally done away with the (please forgive me, Apple!) annoying naneeeeeenuuuuuuu! and replaced it with (what's my favorite word, friends?) cathartic silence. Those of you with MacBooks or MacBook Pros will, nay, shall know what I mean.

And a quick note. Out of the n people that read Resplendent, I only like n - 1 of you. Sorry, nth-guy.

Now, on to the good stuff. It was one of those rare occasions the other day when I put my mind to some use and thought about stuff. Life, as it were, made its precarious way into my superior brain waves. More specifically, life with a mustache.

To be frank, it's beyond amazing. In a word, as you (but not the nth you) knew would come into play due to the title: power. You ladies are probably saying by now, "Ewwww, the author of our most favorite interweb blog is a card-carrying mustachioed. " I know how you think, and I am in accord. See, I've come to the conclusion that no woman, whatever magical era of the world's existence in which she has lived, has ever truthfully said, "I just wish my man had a mustache," or "I feel like the world's problems would be solved if the President of the United States would grow a mustache." Actually, I don't know if any person, male or female, has said either one of these sentences and meant it.

Which brings me to my point. There are many reasons men, and, in some cases, women, grow a mustache.

1) She's just really unlucky, and should get it waxed or LASERed, and quick!

2) Probably most importantly, a mustache empowers the males of our species. With a mustache, a man can do anything, be anyone, go anywhere, and speak Italian, as shown here:

2) Family Guy really isn't the most appropriate show in the whole wide world or even on the world wide web. But it's a satire, and name a satire that is wholly appropriate, nth guy.

3) Although cartoons are deemed children's shows here in the States, this couldn't be more wrong. Children shouldn't be watching shows like Family Guy. Anime is another type of cartoon not generally directed towards kids. This has been an example of how uneducated we are in America.

I could go on and on about some cool anime cartoons until the n + 1th guy gets blue in the face, but I only like him slightly better than the nth guy.

See? I successfully distracted you. You are now thinking about cartoons and Family Guy and some of you may even be offended and are no longer thinking of mine, or anyone else's, mustache. That's true power, my n - 1 friends, derived only from sporting our not-so-favorite, nose-tickling, drink-filtering, velcro-like something. Can you even imaging having something velcroed to your mustache? No. Now go away.