Likely Story, Zatarra

There was once this man. He told a lot of stories. He was called Zatarra. Not because of the stories he would tell, but because it was just a good name for one who tells a lot of stories.

And tell stories he did. One time he told me that his frog-lady teacher bit his arm. Yeah right, I would say. But then he would pull out his cellular telephone and, faster than a Knight of Nee shuns the words the Knights of Nee cannot hear, would call a buddy via his cellular network just to prove that he wasn't making things up. What ever you say, friend of Zatarra.

But this doesn't change anything. I make things up too. For example, I told Zatarra the day we met that I was a tattoo-wearing, first class A-hat. He believed me, too. I highly doubt that Zatarra's opinion of me has changed much. He knows I don't wear a tattoo, but for the imaginary teardrop I have tattooed under my right eye-ball. This is because of Zatarra's warped illusion of me in skinny jeans, cutting myself like emo kids are wont to do.

Another example of how I make things up is the preceding paragraph in its entirety. I don't have an under-eyeball, teardrop tattoo. And I don't cut myself. Dream on, Zatarra.

This is getting quite strange. But I do things like this to aggravate those around me. Most people just scan this blog anyway, looking for something interesting yet leaving unsatisfied. Like Zatarra. He scans this blog.

Well just for him and for people that scan blogs looking mindlessly for something interesting: SOMETHING INTERESTING. I'm not making this up: this something interesting is Zatarra. Do mind the photos, beloved: they were all taken under low-light conditions and in no way reflect Nemo's, Kristin's, or my own photography skills. They do, however, reflect my photo-editing skills. So if you have a problem, or a suggestion, or, and please bless, a compliment, leave it in the comments section. Alas, before you complain too much, you try to edit blurry, shaky, low-light condition photos. That's what I thought. I also want to see you try to use 3 :'s appropriately in the same paragraph. Enjoy.

Here is Zatarra and myself on a roller coaster. Some of the data is missing. Enhance!

Here is Zatarra and myself in negative form. If on a god-sent computer, please press control + option + command (open apple) + 8 and you will see how we really appear, plus learn a cool trick that you can do at parties to impress your friends, if you have any.

Here is Zatarra eating a jar of maraschino cherries. Oh how he hates them. Photos per Kristin Brown.

Here is a great B&W of Zatarra. I thought he'd appreciate this one.

Here are a few that Zatarra has been requesting for a million years. At least. Zatarra was nice enough to go to an All Hallow's Eve bash with me last year hosted by a girl I crushed on for about 6 years. Although Zatarra would be utterly disappointed in me disclosing this information, I say it doesn't matter now that I'm on the other side of the country. Zatarra was a Ghillie-suit master. I was Sean Connery from Celebrity Jeopardy, but for the steps in my hair.

Here is Zatarra with Nemo (middle) and Nuts (right) in Yellowstone. Try saying that 100 times slowly. I had you do that to waste a moment of your time.

If you want your own copy of these photos, click here.

Codeword: zatarra.