Limbo

I have never done heroin. That might come as a surprise to some of you. Or not. I have, however, gone to a party once. Yes, once. I've never completely understood the whole party scene. Just a bunch of funny-dressed people who barely know each other that get together to bob for apples and eat donuts on a string. Why not just get a group of close friends together on Battle Net (StarCraft) and eat the donuts and apples at your leisure? Put that idea in a pot, add some parsley and a dash of freshly-ground sea-salts and you've got yourself a stew going.

I remember the one party I went to quite well. I was in high school. No, middle school. And I had this group of friends and frenemies. One could say that there must have been a bit of drama going on if frenemies were involved. Explanation: I liked Tree. Tree liked Fish. Fish liked Stick's sister, Bob. Bob liked anything with two legs and a muscular physique. Stick liked Candy. Candy liked Paco. Paco liked Candy too, and were it not for the language barrier.... Woody liked Snow but Snow couldn't stand being in the same room as Woody. I don't blame her. He smelled bad. Snow liked me. No, wait... I don't think anyone actually liked me. As you can see, there is a high probability that at least one frenemy existed within our group, given that epsilon is greater than 0.

Back to the party (not that I'd ever want to literally go back there), people were dressed funny. I remember pizza. I remember bobbing for apples and winning a donut-on-a-string-eating-contest. I've never lost an eating contest. Or a water drinking contest. And then somebody got a stick (not Stick, mind), held one end, someone else grabbed the other end, Candy pumped some Stayin' Alive by the Bee Gees. People started lining up in their dumb costumes with their dumb walks and silly dance moves, and attempting ever-so-carefully to lean backwards and touch the underside of the stick with their right nostril. The Limbo. I was 6 foot 3 in middle school: I abhorred the Limbo. In that sentence, I described my true feelings by both a strong word AND italicization. Take that, stupid stick-game. I still hate the Limbo: both the game and the state-of-being.

To protect the identity of those involved, the names and/or ethnic backgrounds were changed. Tree ended up dating Fish on and off. She moved away just before 9th grade, ne'er to return. I was heart-broken. Fish stuck around for a few years, but blamed his parents for his awful name which undoubtedly caused most of his failures and bad luck. He never became a rockstar or an actor or a clown. Stick fought real hard for a chance with Candy; alas he fought in vain and never did get his chance. Paco did, however, but by the time he learned English and mustered the courage to make his move, Candy was already taken by the class clown, Steve. I never did like that name. Steve. Unless it's followed by Lambson or preceded by "Eh!" Woody and Snow never spoke again. In fact, Woody moved away long before that party ever took place! Snow ended up striking gold by getting a hip gig with the local paper as chief editor: her dream job. That didn't actually happen. All of us are now happily married with children and life couldn't be better!

Wait.....

......errrr......

.....all of us but me. I'm still playing Limbo.