Club Hub AKA Machine Gun Time

I was told today by this jerk that I suck at my resolution, and by doing so, she implicitly screamed at me, "YOU SUCK!"  Ouch, friend.  Ouch!  We're fighting.  

But since I was called out on sucking at my resolution, I guess I'll write something new.  I purchased a Scotsman Dog, a corn dog, and a 44 0z. filled to the rim mug of none other than straight up Mountain Dew yesterday as I lazily listed through the TSC.  Choirs sang at the joyous occasion, and so did Seth, as I gave him my corn dog and we sat down in the Hub to eat and shoot the bull $%^ about the tall librarian in church that I wanted to meet, but had no wingman to back me up.  

Let's talk about "wingmen."  A wingman, according to Urban Dictionary is a guy you bring along with you on single outings (like to bars) that helps you out with the women.  The wingman often agrees with his friend and makes him seem popular.  Observe the following dialogue:

Jermaine (to woman at the counter): I'd like a croissant, please.

Bret: Yes that's true.  He would.

Lady: Ok.  Croissant.  Sure.

Bret: He's very popular.

Jermaine: (Clears throat) That's true, I suppose.  You didn't have to say that...

In the above situation, Bret makes Jermaine seem popular.  This is what I needed on Sunday.  A wingman.  So next Sunday, if anyone (man) would like to back me up, be my wingman....

Back to the Hub, me and Seth were talking about...Oh....CRAP!

...the librarian when we saw the Shrivner!  She is such a fantastic person, we wanted to dine with her.  So she came and sat by us and the three of us shot the $%^.  Then the Shrivner, being the Shrivner that she is, came up with the brilliant idea that we should form a club.  "We'll call it 'Club Hub!' "  she said.  Seth's inner-monologue kicked in with a, "No, let's call it Machine Gun Time, instead."  So there it is: Machine Gun Time, every Tuesday/Thursday, 11:30, hub, lunch, shooting the bull and bringing up ways on how to be a confidence man.  Only the ethically malleable need apply.  If you feel you would fit into this rough crowd and that you have the lack of ethics to become a confidence man, and would like to become a pledge, please contact the Shrivner, Derrek or Joder! and one of us would gladly (yet, with hesitation in YOUR case) let you into the club.  Which reminds me, I'm hungry.

Peace.

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New Years!

Happy new year, folks!  I hope the holiday was as [fantastic] for you as it was for me.  For my blog resolution, I'm going to try and write more blog posts.  Maybe.  Probably not though.

Peace.

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Some Greatness Before I Go

Friends.  I have been avidly searching for and learning about great greatness this past week, and as I'm leaving Denver tomorrow, I felt the need to share with the world what I've found.  During my evenings here in Denver, while not working on my thesis, I hung out with my favorite sister and her boyfriend, Mike.  I'm not sure how these things were brought up, but I hope you enjoy them.

First off, and don't shoot me when you've already seen this/known about this....this....well let's just say that it's got to be the worst....song (for lack of a better word) ever written.  Come to think of it, I'm sure you've heard of it.  R. Kelly - Trapped in the Closet.  Need I say more?  There's actually a fan-wiki here.  OK, so those who have not heard of this, our genius "musician," R. Kelly, lays down a phat beat to which he talks about some crazy happenings, like guns and cheating on his wife, who is cheating, with a girl whose husband is cheating on her with a man named chuck, and it just gets "better" from there.  It started out a few years ago when the first five (or so) episodes were released.  It's up to about episode 21 now and there are plans to take it to 32-ish.  Forgive me, R. Kelly fans, if I got the facts wrong.  Also, forgive me when I say that it's the worst thing I've ever watched (on YouTube, or anywhere else) in my entire life.  I am at a lack for words that describe how terrible it is, and yet I'm drawn to it.  Instead of linking to the actual videos here, I'll give you something that is almost as bad, or may be worse, depending on how much you like Weird Al.  Good on ya, Al!

The next thing on the list is a Christmas song.  I spent some time researching the song Last Christmas, originally by Wham! and found out through a very credible source that there are some 100 covers done to this song...and I'm not lying.  This is probably the worst Christmas song, and no matter how much Jimmy Eat World tries not to make it [gay] (forgive the non-political correctness), it's just....[gay].  Wham!'s version, of course, is actually the best.  Other very horrible renditions are Taylor Swift, Savage Garden, some various techno remixes, and worst of all would be a version done in a cappella by none other than the Backstreet Boys, who I've always wished would just puke and choke.  But, again, for some reason I can't figure out...I can't get enough of this abhorrent song...thus I spent an hour of my [precious] time researching the various renditions...

And finally, the coup de grace, a movie entitled Cool as Ice, and believe-you-me, it lives up to it's name in every possible way.  Many of you will have not caught wind of this, dare I say, instant classic, for it has never been available on DVD.  Oh, and allow me to mention, this 1991 cult classic stars Vanilla Ice at his finest.  Just listen to the plot synopsis: 

Johnny, a freewheeling, motorcycle-riding musician, rolls into a small town with his band, and meets Kathy, an honor student who catches his eye. Meanwhile, Kathy's father, after being in the Witness Protection Program, is finally found by the two corrupt cops he escaped from years ago, who claim he owes them a lot of money.

The movie is actually a remake of Rebel without a Cause, starring James Dean, which has much better odds of being an OK film.  Cool as Ice, however, is so terrible that one can't help but be drawn to it.  It is the epitome of the early 1990's, and anyone that lived and experienced the days of Ice, as they have come to be known, will love and admire this film by mocking it, and laughing hysterically at classic lines, such as "Yep, yep.  She likes me." or "Ah yeah, yeah." and who can forget the unforgettably romantic line, "Hey Kat, let me give you some words of wisdom.  Drop that zero and get with the hero!" These, and other memorable quotes can be found here.  I sure hope Ice-man gets picked on by his friends because of this atrocity; but hey, he made $1,000,000 from his one chance at being an actor!  If anyone is interested, I will be watching this movie at least once a week so that I, too, can be as cool as Ice.  Ha!

Well folks, I hope that this has inspired at least 5 of you to check out some of the better things that life can offer.  I'm curious what people's thoughts are on these 3 greatnesses, and other things whose horrible badness gives them power to attain such a curious, captivating attraction.  Yeah, yeah, give me some feedback VIP!

Peace.

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Thesis or Fec....Never Mind

So I just want to say that I just finished the first draft of my thesis.  I'd post a link to it here or something, but it's crap and I'm embarrassed for anyone to read it except for my advisor, and I'm dreading what he's going to say.  But it's done.  Now it's just a lot of revising as soon as I get the blood-splotted piece of trash back from him.  The anticipation of his reply is going to kill me until I get it.  Here is what I'm imaging the return email will say:

Jason

You have a lot of work to do.  Keep in mind, when I say that you have a lot of work to do, what I mean is that you need to rewrite the entire thing.  I can't even read this.  It's trash.  I hate it and therefore I hate you!  In fact, I don't want to be your advisor anymore.  That's right, you have to find a new advisor, get a new research project, and you will be repaying me for the past 3 semesters of research assistantship money.  I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul.  It's time to get out!  Everyone onboard!  THIS IS THE LAST PLANE OUT OF VIETNAM!!! 

--Dr. Stevens

PS You suck.

Well there you have it folks.  I'm dead.  Lindsey, I think it's safe to say we should move now or I won't be around in July!  Europe, here we come!

Peace.

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On a Friday

I know...I lied.  Forgive me?  I just got so burned out working on my thesis.  I have one section left of it and I have 2 days left of this week and having nothing to do all day.  I'm also pretty sure that I'll have to revise the whole thing.  I'm imagining my advisor taking a big fatty marker whose ink is my blood and crossing out the entire thing because of the hell, fire and damnation that is the wrath in his eyes as he reads it.  Pretty sure it sucks.  But as my wise sister Amber always says, "[Life is] just a draft!  There's always revisions! :)"  And yes, as she speaks, a smiley emoticon escapes her lips and floats off into oblivion.  

Now the reason for today's post is not to show you that I'm not a man of my word, but because the other day I was reading this blog, Halestorm, and I loved her newest post.  It said feel free to do this yourself with a promise that it would be the time of my life, and let me tell you my friends: Halestorm doesn't lie, unlike me.  So take her word for it and try it if you must and alas! it will be an enjoyable experience...like that one time when Peter did a magic show for blind people...

An excerpt from Halestorm:

Directions:

1. Put your iPod, iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the "next" button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY OR NON-SENSICAL IT SOUNDS.

Well, here we go!

1.  IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?

The Goddess Appears - The Legend of Zelda

2.  HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?

Do it Alone - Sugarcult

3.  WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?

Mad as Rabbits - Panic! at the Disco

4.  HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?

Joy - Islands (Note: the first words are "I feel great! So happy...")

5.  WHAT IS YOUR LIFE PURPOSE?

Getting Even - Guster

6.  WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?

Hotel - Broken Social Scene

7.  WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

Under the Bridge - Red Hot Chili Peppers

8.  WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

Don't Worry Baby - Beach Boys

9.  WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?

Lightness - Death Cab for Cutie

10.  WHAT IS 2 + 2?

The Successor - Final Fantasy

11.  WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

Morning Lullabies - Ingrid Michaelson

12.  WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

Grounds for Divorce - Elbow

13.  WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

Aerodynamic [Daft Punk Remix] - Daft Punk

14.  WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WHEN YOU GROW UP?

World on Fire [Solarstone After Hours Mix] - Sarah Mclachlan 

15.  WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

Pacific Theme - Broken Social Scene

16.  WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

The Horizon Has Been Defeated - Jack Johnson

17.  WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?

Memory (Acoustic) - Sugarcult

18.  WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?

Song for the Dumped - Ben Folds Five

19.  WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?

Title and Registration - Death Cab for Cutie

20.  WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

Hello Kitty Kat - The Smashing Pumpkins

21.  SONG THEY WILL PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

On Fire - Switchfoot

22.  WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?

On a Friday - Blakq Audio

OK, so that was fun, except I got a glimpse of how much crappy music I still have.  I deleted a lot of it, but sick.  Death Cab?  Jack Johnson?  Sugarcult?  I like The Cult or even Blue Oyster Cult, but not Sugarcult.  My iTunes can say goodbye to these bands.  Then I might do this again.  I also have a confession: I cheated on the last one.  I couldn't believe I still had this one band within a 1-mile radius of me.  I couldn't put it down.  I just couldn't.  Wow that feels good to get off my chest.  Next time on Confessions at High Altitudes, we will discuss why AT&T is better than Verizon.  

Peace.

PS - What a weird post.  But that's what 3 days of writing the proverbial you's thesis at an altitude the proverbial you is not used to will do to the proverbial you.  Eat it, you.

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Jason is...

...going to write his thesis this week...

....and no blogs...

...joder!!!

Peace.

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Snow Drifts

I woke up today, looked outside and guess what?!  It snowed! :)  Yes, friends and fellow bloggers, that was a smiley emoticon.  I do like the snow.  It means it's cold (finally!); it provides for more service opportunities than sunny, warm weather; and it makes the air feel so clean, like the time I said a bad word and my mom washed out my mouth with soap.  She really did this.  No, no, no... I remember it now... I spelled a 4-letter scatological term and my mom dumped black pepper on my tongue!  This must be the cause of my outrageously high tolerance for black pepper.  Thanks, ma!  So, I guess a better analogy would be when YOU said a bad word and YOUR mom washed out your mouth with soap.  That must have been a horrible experience.

This is my mom, the Pepperer

Speaking of horrible experiences, and snow for that matter, the first time I've seen snow since last May was in Denver, the few days following Thanksgiving.  I loved seeing it, mind; the problem was that it touched us (nos toco!) to drive home the Sunday following the dia de accion de gracias.  I checked the internet for road conditions/closures just before we left, and the internet said that the road we needed to travel was closed due to high winds blowing snow with extreme force across the highway.  Not a good sign.  I tried to tell my family that it might be a good idea to wait for a day, or indefinitely, and give the road conditions some time to improve.  My favorite Uncle Jerry (not my favorite uncle, my favorite Uncle Jerry) said, "It'll be OK.  Have a little faith."  My inner monologue, which may or may not have been audible, said, "True, faith is good.  But faith doesn't mean you do something stupid (or life-endangering) and hope it will be OK (or you won't die)!"  We had no problems from Denver to Cheyenne.  As soon as we started on I-80 heading west, the problems commenced.  Friends, it was nuts, and not like my roommate Nuts.  Pictures and videos don't do it justice; however, I have included some pictures and a video so you can get some feel for what we went through.

It took us 2 hours to go 21 miles.  There were times that the wind was blowing so much snow that it was worse than a sandstorm on Tatooine.  At these times, it was a complete white-out, and I regretfully did not capture any photos or video during these times giving you reason not to believe me...but do!  I'm not lying!!

Here they are!

And the video.

Using my mad video editing skills, I added, once again, some really chill music to the video.  Only one person even attempted guessing at the last one, so I'm issuing a challenge to whomever wants to take it!  If you can tell me the name of the band that is playing the fantastic music on the clip, I'll take you to Juniper, or if you don't like that, any restaurant of your choice.  You can use google, but it will be of no help to you.  And just so you all know, Kristin, of .Kristin. (one of the best bloggers ever as she has just surpassed 100 posts! Man, that's more exciting than the time Strong Bad reached his 100th email!) has the advantage on this one!  

And this is me with a mustache! 

Jason, the Mustacheoid

Peace.

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El Dia de Accion de Gracias

In case you were wondering, the title is how you say Thanksgiving Day in Spain, the country where I hope to live someday.  So today is Thanksgiving.  I wanted to copy Kendall (actually I had the idea first, or maybe the light bulbs that dwell floating above each of our heads turned on simultaneously) and declare some of the things for which I'm thankful.  I'm not usually like this, so excuse the sentimentality.  This may appear similar to Kendall's post (maybe because I'm using his as a template...jk), but these are actually my thoughts.

1. My family - the one and only true constant in my life.  These guys are always there when I need them and I know that they always want me around, me and all of my weirdness.  I am so happy to be here in Denver with almost my entire maternal extended family.  It's going to be a catastrophically gigantic thanksgiving dinner to which I think more than thirty people are going to attend.  It's so large that we're going to be eating at a church and all I can say is: oh man...I can't wait to eat.  
2. My beard - I've been given a lot of strange looks from the members of my family due to my large beard, and some have even come up with nicknames or things that I remind them of.  One cousin came in and said, "Who's the bear sitting on my mom's couch." I've been called grizz (short for Grizzly Adams) by more than one person independent of the others.  My mom and uncle called me a hippie (because yesterday I had on my tie dye) and everyone else just laughs at me - a reiteration of why I'm grateful for my family... 
3. The Gospel - the older I get and the more I experience life has made me truly appreciate having the gospel in my life.  I love being a Christian!  I love my Savior! And my knowledge of the Atonement is priceless!
4. My dad - I don't know if you can read blogs over there Dad, but I miss you so much!  Thank you for all of the things that you taught me and for somehow continuing to teach me through the way you lived your life and the lessons you taught me.  I love you!
5. Music - this includes so many things.  Music is the greatest escape that I have been given.  Anytime I need to get away from life, I either pull out my guitar and play (which is everyday!), turn on my iPod or push play on my computer, or drive over to the church (since I don't own a piano yet) and play until my fingers bleed.  Music has also brought me closer to friends.
6. Sitting and listening to music with a friend, watching the iTunes visualizer, talking and falling asleep during those unspoken hours of the night. :)
7. My friends - I could list you each by name, but I don't want to leave anyone out, and plus, I don't want to misspell anyone's name.  But this includes, but is clearly not limited to, my roommates and the ice cream that they all owe me, that girl that likes Dashboard in number 8, Mojito and the Shrivner, the guys that practically live in their apartment (the Taiwanese apartment) who are also co-emperors in the fish bowl (wait, did they die?), old roommates, my crazy friends who were our downstairs neighbors in Continental 22 a few years ago, my second cousin once removed and her awesome roommates, Snake, GWARD, my friend who made plans to go to Styx with me months in advance and who introduced me to the office and the concept of Alpha-males, my sister, the dudes that I grew up with (and apparently our friendship is so tight now that one of them had a baby and told me about it 4 days later on a whim), mission pals, the blonde girl from Bear Lake who has captivated me every time we have hung out for the past 5.5 years, my summer of '07 friends, the girl who doesn't like cheese, all of the people that call me Quertis, and the list goes on towards infinity.  Everyone of you has helped me in someway at different times, and you may not know it!  You've gotten me through the worst times and turned the good times into the best times.  And please, excuse the cheese!
8. Cheese (both literal and figurative).
9. Food - this truly brings people together, and I met so many of my friends as a result of BBQ's, Paella nights, etc.
10. Mountain Dew (orange, yellow, red, etc.), Diet Dr. Pepper, and Guarana - self explanatory - the hardest things I can drink to escape! :)
11. Video games - another great escape.  Lately I've had such a hugh Jones for Final Fantasy that it's about all I want to do anymore.  I'm grateful for this, but I also wish the Jones would go away so I could get my thesis done.
12. TV shows and movies - prolly the biggest reason I can say I'm grateful for these things is the social aspect of it.  I love getting big groups together and watching a movie, or having a couple of friends over and watching Arrested Development.  Also it's another way I can turn off the world and embrace...the world...
13. Scooter rides and drives - whenever I'm having a bad day and just need to think, meditate, pray, etc., these are always incredibly helpful.  Scooter rides with a passenger are good too because they enable others to get off steam and sometimes they're like a [insert time, in minutes]-minute hug. Uhh, but only when it's a girl on the back. Sorry, Seth. :)
14. Ostinato.

I could go on for a lifetime, but I've listed the stuff that I'm most grateful for, along with some silly ones, one that you'll most likely google or wiki.  And then you'll wonder why I'm grateful for that and I hope you do, and comment on it for crying out loud!  So if I were to go on, there would be heaps more silly ones and things that I would have to explain.  Also, I need to get ready. :)

Peace.

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